I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
