It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
