hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
