Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
