The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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