Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
