Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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