you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
