Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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