4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
