If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
