I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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