Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
