i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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