So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
ttyl tear gas
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
