Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
