Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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