The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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