Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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