What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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