i wish there were pregnant emoticons
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
