Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
