i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
