Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
