i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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