Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
