I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
