I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
