I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
