Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
