There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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