Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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