too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
