Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
