his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
