If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its about making memories worth repressing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
