I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
