if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
