dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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