I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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