I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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