We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
