ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
