Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
