She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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