We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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