Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
