I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
