Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
