Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
