thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
