I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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